Tough Decisions...

I have had things swirling around in my head for quite some time regarding the second run. The issue has been this: where Firstborn left me after the show was a damaged place. What I need to feel whole, creative and functional wasn't necessarily supplied by he original show; although I realize that the show was helpful to many of the people that participated in and saw it.

I have been aware for sometime that the original show was immensely challenging for me; I also thought there would be a place where it would be worth it to "bootstrap" the 2nd run because of who the show would serve. I had to go back to my original intentions; this was supposed to be a film so that it could be made and have a life of it's own in distribution. Live theater doesn't provide the space to be objective. Something is happening in front of you live, you are a part of it. I wasn't even proud of myself after the first show. I was just exhausted, depleted and depressed.

With the short show, the adapted show, it was different. I felt good, I felt proud of myself and ultimately understood what I was supposed to be feeling after the original show. It feels good to be hopeful again, and to be inspired. I'm looking forward to the new life the adapted show has inspired, especially since the story intentions still come across strongly - a family healing after trauma.

I feel very proud of myself for making this tough decision, and am excited about creating more works.

After the festival...

today was awesome. i loved watching this show unfold. it was much less stressful than the bigger show, for so many reasons, and it really showed how much can be done with small space. it inspired me so much. the cast was so great, they really came together and hit all their marks. our word for today was PRECISION. and it was precise. i was so proud, especially to see the faces of my friends and family.

today's show made me so hopeful, it made me feel my purpose, and why i write and create. i haven't had that feeling in months. a man came up to me after the show and couldn't speak. he just sobbed and held my hand. it was so moving. next week (after i finish with my workshops) i'll have more news about moving forward on firstborn. now, i'm gonna take a nap... :)

10 days 'til the festival...

I feel good! Last night's rehearsal was very energetic; we got further along with character development and being present. As still a newer director, I find it encouraging to develop what I need from the actors. Many of these things just come with experience, so it's always nice to watch things work. When they aren't, it's good to observe and let what's needed organically develop; learning to trust my own instincts.

I am also very glad the depression is lifting. It makes me much more engaged with the cast and the process in general. As an artist, life is felt in HD; while others experience life in B&W with rabbit ears. Hi's are high and Low's can be low...but the heart is open wide and full of life and love.

Tonight is going to be about getting the actors to be in the moment, playing around with some choices...it's gonna be great.

11 days 'til the Festival...

Ahhh, it's getting close. We have a rehearsal tonight, and will be almost every night until the show. Overall, the show is going to be very different from the original show...mainly because of my understanding of playwriting vs. screenwriting now. The original show worked well; and you could tell that it was adapted from a screenplay.

But here, I am pretty excited about how the show is developing. It's also interesting to have a new cast member. It reminds me of cooking, having to incorporate a new ingredient (person) is like folding whipped cream into a batter...it needs to be done gently and mix until the batter is uniform.

I love this, I love what I do...I also love the people that I work with. I am grateful for the upcoming festival to showcase the talent we are unearthing.

31 Days 'til the Festival...

Feeling great this morning. Last night's rehearsal was very productive. The cast is really beginning to go deeper with the layers of their characters. I think we really had a breakthrough with Nika and Eli last night. Tonight we another rehearsal with Nika, Eli and Amir. Next week we have a couple of cast members out, but I have plenty of stuff for us to work on. I'll look for some more exercises for the cast to chew on. They do really well with it.

Feeling better...

As it stands now, I did need a break. I really got overwhelmed with where/how my life was and was unable to really move towards anything. I have had issues with depression in the past; so sometimes, I get to know the signs. Mostly I try to do something before it gets too bad.

June seemed like a lot emotionally. Although I really needed that time to prepare for the SF Festival; I have to be grateful that I am better and am able to get work done at this point. We had to replace our original Nika for the festival; I think Allena will do very well.

We all got together a few days ago at my house to read the script, there are only a few changes that I need to make. I think the cast is going to be awesome. My next steps are promotion, rehearsals and blocking.

The San Francisco Theater Festival

I'm very excited! We got accepted into the 2010 SF Theater fest. I have to adapt a one-act from the existing three-act. It's a great exercise/challenge that I'm up for right now. We decided to do the 2nd run in the fall, so we have some time to do some fundraising; which is clearly a critical part of the show's success at this point.

I plan to only use the family in the one-act, mainly to keep the story simple and clean. The first draft will be done by the weekend, then I'll have a reading, and make the changes needed. Oh, to be creative again!